after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
