Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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