dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
