i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
