If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
