I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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