not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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