If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
