Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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