curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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