Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
