M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
