well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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