I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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