If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
