She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
