wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found your dick twin last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
