I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
