my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I believe in your delicious
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
