Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
