sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
