I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
