I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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