i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
