Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your cock deserves a montage
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
