I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
