hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have started to decorate penises.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
