I wish my penis had an off switch
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
