i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
