All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
