highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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