ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
