So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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