all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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