All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
