I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
