guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
