Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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