just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
