don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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