lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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