i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
