He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
