You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
