i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
