I cockslap morals
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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