I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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