Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
