I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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