yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
